i thought by doing things differently. things would end up differently. well it sorta has. i dont know if its good or bad. i cant tell. seriously.

i just wish that life would cut me some slack. sometimes.

the past two weeks have been really hectic, emotionally and physically draining. with a few eye openers along the way. i got to know a few people better, some more than others. which i believe is good. and i wouldnt want to break it or screw it up.

so that remains to be seen. why am i such a screw up? why cant i just be myself?

sheesh.

sometimes i just hate the world so much that id rather not face it. some days i just wish that life was easier. other days i jus wish i could disappear.

if i die, how would i be remembered?

would people actually come to my funeral? say nice things about me? say that i was a good friend, a good brother, a good relative? or would no one come and i'll just die alone. that's an alternative.

i feel so lost that i dont know where i am. the signs keep appearing. either i refuse to know they are there. or they are simply so subtle i take them all literally and misinterpret.

sigh.

i regret not taking up that offer. even though i know in my heart it would be a great opportunity.

and what have i accomplish thus far? i dont know.

a man is measured by what?

"there's a difference between support and giving inspiration."

a difference between love and lust.
a difference between like and infatuation.

im weak. so. help me find an alternate.