been thinking alot these few weeks. school, relationships, friends, money, europe, work, society stuff. jus thinking. a lot.

those who really know me, can sense that something is wrong, or that when im really happy. i cant act for nuts. well, when it comes to these sorts of things.

when im angry, i show.
when im sad, i cry.
when im pissed, try not to be near me.

that sort of thing la.

small things can pile up to even bigger things, especially when tension breaks and u got no room to yell, and jus start screaming and yelping at everything and everyone, without care in the world.

i thank those who have covered up my slack, i forgive those who have irritated me to the point where i yelled. and im sorry to those whom i shouted and screamed at.. well, u caught me at a wrong time, but that still does not condone my actions.

i try to be happy most times, but with school and stuffs it's really getting to me. a lot. sometimes i wish i could jus walk away from everything. yep. walk away. like wat i did a year ago. when u cant take it, walk away. i guess in a way, i was brave (or foolish) to come back. but i dont have regrets watsoever in doing so. for i made quite a number of friends along the way, who helped me out in realising a few things about myself.

this isnt supposed to be a melodramatic post, but then again im not in the mood to be all farnee and non-serious. im feeling the effects of not studying much. hey dont get me wrong, i may study that much, to you. but to me, it's just scraping just enough and getting grades that i achieve. i believe i can do better, really. but sometimes i feel so stupid that nothing ever does matter.

honestly, i think being in mensa is total crap. wat good does it do anyway.

fez was asking me whether im okay. it shows. tiredness. sianness. boredom. pissed off look.
i cant hide it. and neither can you. no matter how hard u try. i can tell. heh.

ever imagined meeting someone who can fit in every single thing u were looking for the last few days, weeks, months, years and decades(maybe), it's like finding someone to go (this is an example) mountaineering with. u ask ur frens, no one says yes. UNTIL. u meet this person who's like planning as much as you did. and practically u're stumped. cos why? you have the same circle of frens, jus tht u never met. tt's how strange it is.

im not psychic. im just confused. i guess good. but somethings u jus need to say out obvious things and not keep it in.

not many people know me for me. im pretty much closed. yeah, i may say i have close friends, but no one really knows me for sure. same goes for anyone out there. everyone has secrets. a past. a history. it's jus a matter of how u wanna change from ur past, and be a better person than u have been. right?

i opened my heart twice in my life. still waiting for the third. like it's been told before, im not scared of what might happen. im jus scared whether i can be that person i wanna be. or fail miserably.

some people open up easily. some people dont. me? i dont know. sometimes i open up sometimes im cryptic. well most of the time. heh.

it's the things you say that catch me off guard. how apt this song is.

let me go. by three doors down. here are the lyrics.

One more kiss could be the best thing
Or one more lie could be the worst
And all these thoughts are never resting
And you'rr not something I deserve

CHORUS
In my head there's only you now
This world falls on me
In this world there's real and make believe
And this seems real to me
And you love me but you don't know who I am
I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand
And you love me but you don't know who I am
So let me go, let me go

I dream ahead to what I hope for
And I turn my back on loving you
How can this love be a good thing
And I know what I'm going through

CHORUS
In my head there's only you now
This world falls on me
In this world there's real and make believe
And this seems real to me
And you love me but you don't know who I am
I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand
And you love me but you don't know who I am
So let me go, just let me go, let me go

And no matter how hard I try
I can't escape these things inside
I know, I know
But all the pieces fall apart
You will be the only one who knows, who knows

You love me but you don't know who I am
I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand
And you love me but you don't know who I am
So let me go, just let me go

(you don't know)
You love me but you don't
You love me but you don't
(you don't know)
You love me but you don't know who I am

(you don't know)
You love me but you don't
You love me but you don't
(you don't know)
You love me but you don't know me

have a nice weekend.